I dream of you...

It happened again. This was the moment I met you, in my dream. For some reason we were in the hotel lobby meeting and there were circular clothes racks. As soon as you saw me, you darted to the middle of the clothing. You were scared. You were deathly afraid of a man and woman, who looked totally different than your fellow Chinese villagers. You were so terrified of the language we were speaking in, while proclaiming adoration. You were terrified to leave the only family you've known since two. It was awful to leave your school and friends. It was so sad to leave your foster brother and sister. You couldn't imagine going to a country where they had nearly nothing of your foods you so love. The thought of all the familiar smells escaping and replaced with a smell of newness - horrific.

You came with nothing, but the clothes on your back. That meant you had to leave your favorite teddy bear that you snuggle with that has all your scents embedded into the fibers , your comfy jeans that fit just right and your one special dress that you felt like a queen while wearing.
You had to leave behind all the smells - your mom's perfume, your favorite smell of ham, baking in the oven, and the strong soy scent that lingers in the air. You had to leave all of your friends, you know, the ones you confide in to tell them how scared you are to come here. And you will leave your freedom. Yes, coming to America, and you will leave your freedom. You won't get to walk to the store alone, or down to the basketball courts. You won't get to walk to school, unassisted. You will leave everything you know it as yours and your way of doing things. My heart goes out to you.

You had to leave behind all your fears and lay them down. That's why you're my hero, you know. You only brought your bravery with you to head out with the new strangers that called you "nu er" (daughter) in their most broken Mandarin.

All of these things are conclusions that I've drawn from other children who've come home and talked about what they've left to gain so much. I don't know if you have a teddy or one special dress, but I know you are leaving a LOT.

Yesterday, we got word from our agency that your foster father, who is much older, passed away this week. So, now you will be grieving his loss and have to leave behind a foster mother who is alone and hurting. So much on your shoulders, Lily. He has been your dad for the last eight years. He is all you know as a father. The loss you've endured in your life is nothing less than tragic.

We we are praying you home as a family each day. We want you to flourish and be happy, find your purpose in life, come to know Jesus if you don't, and come to trust people that won't leave you - EVER.

You are our hero. We all agree on it.

Prayerfully,
Mama